Fish out of Water

Traveling on the Autism Spectrum

The child at the table next to us is stimming: he grunts and flaps his hands while the older people I assume to be his grandparents look around nervously. I smile and nod my encouragement; I recognize the signs. This child has been away from the familiar for too long. He’s a fish out of water.

Photo by Harris Vo on Unsplash

And so is my adult son, who has joined me at the breakfast buffet of this hotel but is unshaven, uncombed, and wearing yesterday’s clothes. We’ve spent four days touring the Lancaster countryside, riding in Amish buggies and visiting the college where I did my undergrad work, but Allen is ready to return to the familiar: his giant robot project with its strange metal parts, his sword collection, and the orange cat who never fails to curl up in his arms at night.

For those on the autism spectrum and their families, getaways can be stressful. Most people with ASD prefer predictability (Rudy, 2022). Even a change in a traffic route to school or work can cause dismay. While the home environment can be controlled, vacations involve a change in schedule, food, beds, and surroundings. Pair this with the sensory assaults likely to occur, and what was supposed to be a peaceful escape can be anything but.

Photo by Chris Chow on Unsplash

Throughout Allen’s childhood, our vacations were to the same beach house in the same location in the same week of summer. We’ve ventured further away from home with increasing success in the last three years, even flying on an airplane to visit my brother, taking the Amtrak train to North Carolina, and spending several days at a different beach. It all required a lot of advance preparation and many suggestions from Haley Moss, an attorney with Asperger’s Syndrome (Milestones, 2019).

Be organized. The first time we planned a trip, I helped Allen pack his bag a week ahead of time, making a list of what he would need. The list is now a permanent fixture in his luggage case and can be easily checked for such things as underwear, deodorant, and phone charger. 

Review the steps. Minimize surprises as much as possible. We review what time we will leave, how we are traveling, if there will be a line to wait in and, most importantly for my son, if there will be root beer. 

Photo by Perry Merrity II on Unsplash

Take advantage of Pre-checks. In the United States, TSA pre-checks do not require a person to take off shoes or empty bags. There is also a much-shorter line which eliminates waiting anxiety.

Bring a comfort item. Allen’s choice this summer is an old Game Boy that only has two functioning games, but it’s what keeps him occupied on 8-hour train rides. His late father’s blanket is also an item we can’t leave home without. 

Give choices. Whenever possible, I let Allen help with choosing a hotel, a mode of transportation, and travel times.

I doubt Allen will be jetting off to foreign locations, but our careful preparation has made traveling with him not only possible but pleasant. As we loaded our items into my car to begin our two hour drive home from Lancaster, Allen remarked,

“This is a pretty place. I’m glad we came and I wouldn’t mind coming back. But I’m glad to be going home.”

Because, eventually, the fish needs to return to the water. 

Photo by zhengtao tang on Unsplash