Reason 88: "Give others what she needs"
100 Reasons I'm Retiring
The quotation above is from Nikki Koziarz’s Bible study, 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit. The last moniker anyone would ever pin on me is “quitter.” Nonetheless, when my best friend Chris and I did this study together, there were many sections that resonated with me. Habit Four, “She gives others what she needs” was particularly impactful.
I’ve had needs that have not been met by others in my church community. Taking care of a chronically ill husband while working on a post-graduate degree, teaching full time, and raising a family comes to mind as a time when it would have been nice if someone had come to clean my house, or do my laundry, or bring us dinner. And once in a while, it happened. Most times, though, people assumed I was okay with doing it all. At least, I LOOKED okay.
The same was true when my husband suddenly died. I needed…something. I couldn’t really put it into words, but I needed comfort and love and hot tea and cookies. I needed assurances that I had done all I could for my dear husband, that just because I hadn’t been with him when he died didn’t make me a bad wife. I eventually came to the conclusion that no one really knew what I needed. And since I wasn’t sure myself, I had no way to express my deep needs.
This phrase from Nikki’s book struck me: “When I give others what I need, I am sowing another life-giving seed.”
Wow. What a concept, huh?
Retirement will give me more time to give to others, and it need not be monetary or tangible. Recently, a woman I had just met wanted to talk about her autistic adult son. I put down my purse and listened. A neighbor needed a ride to the market. I put down my book and took her. My son needed to talk about his dad. I turned away from my computer and talked.
“Whoever sows sparingly will reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously” (2 Corinthians 9:6).
I know I will need to learn to be wise in this, to give as the Lord leads me and not overstep my own wellbeing.
But what a joy to know that I will be in a position to give because, as Nikki states, “Giving always wins!”
Do you need to put limits on your giving to others? What about giving to others brings you joy?
My first "job" after I retired was as a volunteer at a non-profit whose mission was near and dear to my heart. I dove in the deep end from the start. Before I knew it, I was saying"yes" to everything. If someone was out, I covered their shift. Custodial duties? No problem. Stay a little later? Sure, why not? I have since learned I was operating without boundaries. When Covid hit and I was mandated to go home, due to my age, I was finally able to see clearly how burned out I really was. It's been four years since I left. I'm thinking of reaching out and going back, but with realistic expectations of my abilities and limitations.